The Dear Chorus, Dear Narrator Letters

My dear Narrator.

I do not know when you shall recieve this letter. I hope that it finds you in good health, and sans that God-awful facial hair you were sporting upon our last meeting. Because I care not for your protestations of its masculine ruggedness, Narrator, it is an eyesore, and it pricks upon my every positive aspect. Not to mention, my chin.

Rose is of choleric temper. She fares badly without her brother to placate her. She fears for him. As I fear for you. You and your dignity, you bearded abomination.

The Masters are moving. The stairway lies beyond the Styx. Be wary.

Regards,
Chorus

Chorus.
Guild and I have found the Turner. But we are pursued. We flee to Solomon's belly. Meet us as twilight falls on Xerxes.

The beard remains.
Narrator

Rose N. Crantz
Guild N. Stern

Chorus & Narrator
Tick & Tock

Hourglass Turner
The Turner
Time Masters (lol, what)
Predestination paradox

Sundial, pendulum, mechanical, digital, hourglass, candle, computerised, grandfather, pocket, carriage.

Quintus: Quin, Quincey, Quincy, Quint, Quinton, Quintrell.
Antoine, Austen, Raoul, Eduard, Emile, Fabien, Piperel.

Time

Slave
Centurion
Bully
Pirate
Ninja
Witch
French revolutionary
Crusader
WWI Soldier
Nazi
Arab
Indian Prince
Samurai
Gaul
Incan
Colonist
Native American
Spaniard
Knight
Hun
Future-y man
Yankee
Viking
Victorian
Vietnam vet
Chinese peasant
Russian revolutionary
Spartan
Athenian
Renaissance man
Clergyman
Chilean
Holocaust Jew
Pilot
Submarine survivor

Asta Roth

Asta Loki

Ishmael Pandora

The Negatives: Arch-Villains for Hire!

The Negatives: Arch-Villains for Hire

~Light needs darkness. Good needs evil. And I need a drink.~

R: When I tell you that I am a Bad Guy, I want you to understand exactly what that means.

It does not mean I dress up in spandex, call myself the Doominator and go around tying up the Good Guys in provocative positions then soliloquising while they attempt their daring escape.

It means I will kill men, women and children. I won’t do it because I have to, or because my Daddy touched me in a bad place when I was young. I will do it because I’m paid to. Or because I feel like it. Or just because I fucking can.

Although...there is some spandex. It’s a Kevlar weave. But it is spandex. And I did tie a damsel to some train tracks once. But that’s beside the point. I certainly won’t be having some kind of plot-device induced Sunny Delight epiphany half way through the Trilogy-

B: It’s a Trilogy?!

R: -I’m EVIL. Shoots-babies-in-the-head-then-feeds-them-to-a-goat EVIL. Is that understood? I will NOT reform. Not going to happen.

B: Except, it totally is. Cos who would want to read a story about a bunch of jerks, right Roth? Character development, man, seriously. It’s right here in our contract, next to ‘collateral damage minimal’, see?

R: Shut UP, Bastille.

B: My name’s not Bastille. It’s Steve the Mildly Malicious.

R: Uh-huh. Can I get back to the prologue now?

B: Be my guest. [Mutters] Priscilla. Also, what’s the point of putting mysterious letters in front of our dialogue if we’ve both already mentioned each others names??

R: I hate you so fucking much right now.

B: Fangirl interpretation: take me now, Bast-baby! Throw me down on that gurney and mount me like a cheetah-

R: ENOUGH!

B: Alright, alright. Jeez. Take a deep breath. Let the homo-erotic subtext work its magic.

R: ...what?

B: No-thing. But if you’re not up for that, I’ll settle for bromance.

R: ...

The baddest clichés in town

The baddest criminals in town (the only criminals in town) so yeah, the baddest criminals in town

Roth. Bastille. Loki. Isaac. Ishmael. Specs. BC. Sue-Mary. And Gary.

All powerful narrator called Blooperman.

B: I'm a Robot!

L: ...that's it?

B: That's it. Well, I'm also blonde. And I like boobs. And ponies.

L: Huh. Ponies are cool.

B: Yes they are. Are you gay?

L: I'm Loki. I'm immortal, and forever young. And I like to cut myself.

R: Let me get this straight: you're eternally pretty and impossible to kill, and you intend to utilise these character traits by bitching about it.

L: Yup. I'm also your long lost clone/evil twin.

R: I see.

R: I’m Roth. I’m evil.

B: And hot.

R: Yes. Evil and hot.

G: I’m Gary. I’m dead.

B: That sucks.

G: Tell me about it.

S: I’m Spec. I’m just some guy.

R: Get out.

S: Or, I could be your generic self-insertion techno-geek character.

R: That works.

Sue Mary: I’m your reformist love interest!

R: No, you’re not.

Sue: Yes, I am!

BC: I’m BC. I’m the black chick.

R: Just...why?

BC: Two birds, one stone.

R: [Brandishes gun] You could be crippled too.

BC: I’ll pass.

R: Spoilsport.

B: Baby, you, me and Wonder Woman could show you two birds and one stone. One rock. Rock hard.

BC: ...

B: Like a threesome. And a penis.

BC: I gathered.

My MALE housemates. Reading MALE slashfic. ALOUD. WHAT.

...yup.

Michael and Matt, reading DC and Lord of the Rings slash. Aloud.

...

...

Am I dead?