[Painkiller]
-Death to Flopsy-
“...and just what in the name of fuck is this supposed to be?”
“It’s a bunny earring!”
“...”
“You’re gonna to wear it from now on.”
“I am –going to wear it from now on-,’ Will.”
“Uh-huh! Sweet.”
“Wha-? Wait, NO. I was correcting your grammar. I am not hanging a ridiculous hairy pink rodent from my ear.”
“Yes you ARE!”
“No, I am not.”
“You ARE ARE ARE!! Or I’ll stick your tits like a big fat PIG!”
“That is disgusting, don’t say things like that.”
“YOU’RE disgusting, not wearing a present I gotted for you specially!”
“...present?”
“Yeah!”
“...”
“Cos of your name! I asked Monsieur Decor and he says your name means bunny so I gotted you a bunny even though I was gonna get you a star but the star looks better on me cos I’m prettier.”
“Of course.”
“Well?”
“Well, what?”
“Put it on!”
“...fine.”
“YAY! AND I’m gonna kiss you cos you made me happy by wearing my present I got for you specially.”
“NO.”
“But you said I gotta explain when I do nice touchy stuff. You SAID.”
“That does not mean you still get to do it.”
“But I WANT to!”
“Tough shit.”
“Bleeeeeeh! Will you read me Fluffytail Flopsy and the Cabbage Kids?”
“Swear to God I am gonna fucking burn that fucking book...or write a new edition, called Flopsy and the Farmyard Chainsaw Massacre...and no. But you can read it to me. For practice. If you do, we shall move on to 2nd grade level reading.”
“Issat good?”
“Yes.”
“O-kaaaay but if I read it once will you read it to me after please see I said the special word so now you have to do it to ree-en-force my good bee-ha-vor.”
“FINE.”
“And I get to kiss you?”
“NO.”
“You’re a mean mean MEAN stuck-up prissy old bitch.”
“Whatever.”
“Go make some waffles!”
“Excuse me?”
“Not for me STUPID for you. You forgot to eat today and you didn’t make me anything either but I had loads of popcorn and strawberry sauce for dinner so that’s alright. And I told the pizza man on the pizza line to bring me ham and pineapple every night until the end of forever so we’re probably poor now by the way. But it’s your stupid fault cos you’re a retard who can’t even put poptarts in the toaster without fucking it up.”
“Charming.”
“I’ll let you watch Fight Club later while I go to sleep on the couch if you don’t get mad bout the pizza.”
“How generous of you. Now READ.”
“Flopsy...has a...v...veeee...ree flllll...flu...floofy-“
“Fl-UH-ffy.”
“Fl-uff-ee...tail...”
~Fin~
